It is with a heavy heart that I write to you all today. On Wednesday of this past week, I lost someone whom I love dearly. Someone who would have changed not only my life but my family’s lives forever. On March 2nd, I experienced a miscarriage. Without warning, my child’s life was taken. Life is precious and miraculous and should never be taken for granted. Instead of going into detail about how I feel about this unfortunate event, I will share with you what my child would say to me if we had the opportunity to talk. While this is not something you get over in a day or two, I truly believe the words below. Writing these words was very difficult, however, if my child could speak to me I believe this is what he/she would say to comfort me.
Miscarriage from the perspective of the baby.
I want to start off by saying that I love you. With out you, dad and the grace of God I would never have been able to come into being. I was a miracle. And even though my time with you was short, it was the best experience on earth I could have ever asked for. You cared for me and loved me and I will always be grateful.
I was there when you shared with the family that I would be a new addition to our family unit. I was there when you all celebrated Valentine’s Day together, I really liked the Chinese food :). I was there when you and dad got a bigger vehicle so that everyone, including the dog, could fit in one car. I was there when you went to sleep at night so we could snuggle and I was there in the morning when you needed to start your day. I will cherish every experience we had together.
At the beginning of my short time on this earthly world, you were the one who cared for me, the one who looked after me, and the one who loved me. You were my world. I want you to know that I did not leave you because I did not like you, I left because God had other plans. He needed me by His side much sooner than any of us could have anticipated. I was never meant to have a full life on earth, but the time I did have was magical. God took me early to protect you, He loves you more than you can imagine. Sometimes when God protects you from harm it hurts but not nearly as much as if He let you fall on your own. I promise in time you will see His goodness and grace.
I also want to thank you for the cool name, Spark. I love that dad came up with that name, I think it suits me quite well. My time on earth may have felt like the length of an actual spark emitting from a fire but all it takes is a little bit of effort to get me back. I will always be the trace of an intense feeling and memory within you. I will always be there for you, all you have to do is remember. One day we will meet again and I will get to hold like I never could on earth. One day I will kiss you like I never could on earth. One day will get to see you, touch you, laugh with you, smile with you, walk with you, and cry with you. I look forward to that day with all my heart and soul.
Keep your chin up mom, you are the strongest person I know. Please remember that you will always be my mom and I will always love you!