Pregnancy after miscarriage, what is it really like?
Today’s post was a difficult one to write. Having to put into words my concerns and fears is difficult. However, I do believe it is an important topic to discuss. I am half way through my third pregnancy and every day has its challenges. During the first trimester, I was very anxious. Fighting those negative thoughts was a daily struggle. The thing I had to remind myself was,
Don’t think negative thoughts for your baby. Only think positive thoughts for your precious one.
– Pat Murray (my “Nonny”)
My sweet Nonny told me that shortly after I revealed I was pregnant and struggling on staying positive. It is amazing how a simple idea can make a huge difference. Everyday I have to remind myself of that but it does make me feel like I can take on the day! The first twelve weeks of pregnancy were very tough. I could not wait for my next appointment, I would literally count down the days. Every time the doctor told me the baby looked healthy I would cry and let out a sigh of relief.
By the time the second trimester came I thought my troubles would go away. The more I dwelled on my pregnancy the more I got sucked into negative scenarios. I would get really sad about something that had not even happened. The closer you get to having something the harder it is to lose.
The daily struggle to stay positive has started to taper off, however, at the beginning I cried a lot. Emotions are still fresh from losing Spark and it has been difficult to navigate those.
I am currently at 20 weeks and get to feel Bow move everyday! It is encouraging to feel Bow move and see the physical changes. Our next appointment is tomorrow, Friday August 12th, and yes I am counting down the days. We also find out if Bow is a boy or girl during that appointment!
Aside from staying positive, I have to constantly rely on Christ. Spending time in the Word and in prayer has really helped. A friend of mine who has lost two precious babies gave me Hope For Today, Promises For Tomorrow. I am slowly going through the book and it has helped tremendously.
My loss, while it is still a loss, was not as bad as some amazing women I know. There are many women out there who have had worse experiences than me. I am so grateful that my time with Spark was short. Had I had a full term pregnancy then lost Spark, life would be much harder. I am thankful that I was spared of that heartache but know that many women are not. My heart and my prayers are with them as they heal. As I continue on this journey I covet your prayers.
Stay tuned for the reveal of Bow’s gender! To see how we revealed Charlotte’s gender to our friends and family click HERE.