October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and one in four women experience this loss. So many women know this loss, yet not many discuss the topic. It was not until I lost Spark back in March that a handful of women approached me. I had the pleasure of getting to know these precious women who had to endure the pain of letting go of a child. My heart ached deeper and deeper the more stories I heard.
My story is similar to many other women out there.
To read the article “You Will Always Be My Mom” click the provided. This article is about miscarriage from the perspective of the child.
To read the article “Dealing With Loss” click the link provided. This article is about dealing with the loss of an infant.
When I shared this news with everyone I decided not to write an article about my reaction to miscarriage. I felt that my reaction was kind of a given. What I mean is- the loss makes me sad, depressed, angry, and confused. A lot of women feel this way and I wanted to approach the topic in a different way. So instead I wrote an article from the perspective of my child. What would he or she have said to me to comfort me?
Today is Spark’s due date and I wanted to write a letter to my precious child.
My Dearest Spark,
Today is the day your Daddy and I were supposed to meet you. Today is the day you were to make your grand entrance. Today is the day we were going to experience the euphoric moment of skin to skin contact.
Instead of welcoming you to the world, your Daddy and I sit here together without you. The only thing we have is a sonogram photo from your eighth week appointment.
Sadness, emptiness, and despondency is all we have on what was supposed to be a glorious day. I cannot pretend that everything is ok. I try to reason why you are not with us, but all I am left with is confusion and frustration.
I want you here, to feel your tiny fingers wrap around one of mine. To feel you snuggle into my chest as we breath together. I yearn for you.
In spite of all these things that we want, alas you are not with us. You are sitting next to your Father in heaven. You get to experience His glory and splendor. We know that you are in a better place. A place where there is no pain or suffering. Somewhere where you will experience constant celebration.
Your Daddy and I are elated that you are safe and no harm could ever come to you. We are delighted that your tiny body has been scooped up by the Almighty One.
One day we will be reunited. Your Daddy and I will embrace you so tight that we will all become one. We will kiss your precious cheeks, stare into your sweet eyes, and tell you over and over how much we love you. That day will be one beloved reunion.
Until then we promise to take care of your siblings. We know you want to meet them one day and knowing that we will do everything in our power to ensure that happens.
October 10th will always be your birthday. We will celebrate you every year until we are able to celebrate you in person. We love you dearly and want you to know that we will always cherish you. You brought such sweet joy to our lives for the short amount of time I carried you. When I think of you I will do my best to remember those moments instead of the contrary. I know you would not want me or your Daddy to be sad.
I want you to remember that you will always be my child.
As your mother, I will always be proud of you.
As your mother, I will always care for you.
As your mother, I will always mourn over you.
As your mother, I will always love you like no other human being can.
Have you ever experienced a miscarriage? If you feel comfortable talking about it please let me know in the comment section below or feel free to contact me here.