How does one deal with loss? I mean, I can deal a deck of cards, but how do I deal with loss? I do not really know…
I lost a baby. How do I DEAL with that?
My first reaction, probably like a lot of people’s first reaction, was to be distracted. I did not want to think about it. I did not want to talk about it. I REALLY did not want anyone to ask me how I was doing. I wanted to forget it ever happened. I actually had Michael, my husband, go out and buy a new board game so I could keep my mind on that instead of the horrible news I got earlier that day. I quickly learned that no matter how much I tried to distract myself, the simple fact still remained, I lost a baby. And not only did I lose a baby but MICHAEL AND I lost a baby. I have never had to navigate through anything like this before and trying to do it with someone else makes it even more complex.
Some of the things I have learned thus far in “dealing” with this loss has been:
Loss does not just affect me. I have been so focused on how I am feeling that I neglected to ask Michael how he felt. Michael is my husband, my partner in life, and we HAVE to be on the same page. When Michael and I are not on the same page for one reason or another, life is incredibly hard. Throw in a difficult circumstance and it is nearly impossible. In the midst of my selfishness, another thing I learned
Michael is incredibly generous, kind, and loving. Now, I already knew that Michael possessed those qualities but I did not know how deep those pockets were. Here I am a complete mess, only thinking about myself and all Michael does is ask, “What can I do for you?” He set aside his own grief to care for me. What an amazing man!
Life sometimes needs to be put on hold. My first thought, after receiving the news, was to continue teaching my fitness classes because the distraction would be good. Once a few days had passed, I contacted my boss and let her know that I would be taking a few weeks off from teaching. I am so thankful I had the foresight and encouragement from others to take time off and I am very grateful for a boss to allow the time away. It gave me the time to focus on my family and myself.
Now, I am NOT an expert at dealing with grief (that is obvious to me now) but one thing I do know is that if all you do is distract yourself from the situation nothing will ever be processed. I do not think I will ever “get over” this but I choose to see the positive over the negative. Allowing my life to ruled by negativity is no way to live. My desire is to always LOVE DOING LIFE and sometimes it is hard to do that but I can never stop trying.